Happy VS Emptiness

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

(in the name of God the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

I love the fact that we are all together. I love the togetherness that we all have. Having fun together. Doing what we want to do. I admit. I am happy to be apart of us. Yet now here am I, stuck in my room. 

I wonder why didn't I just go out there, be in someone else room, talking and chatting. Just like what I have done for almost a week. I wonder why I like being here with myself, alone?

I realize that even I did enjoy and feel happy with the fact that we are together, I feel empty. Yes, the emptiness is here, in my heart. Which is weird because if I like and love what I did, then, I should feel full and wanting to do that again. 

But of course, after a day, I found out why.

because we were away from Him. 

I admit when I was with them, I did notice and capture something that inside me, the heart, didn't like. I kept on praying that He helps them to change. 

I admit, there were times when I myself don't like something but I kept it to myself. 

I admit, there were times when I realized I should not but I did because others did.

Now, I can feel the emptiness.

..........................................................................................

Dear brothers and sisters,

keep your heart full with goodness, embedded yourself with His guidance. 

:)

Spread the wings

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

(In the name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

.............................................................................................................................

this is a story

of a girl

walking down the street

alone

hoping for a bird

to her

away

this is life

she called

bruises and pains

hit her hard

this is reality

she thought

screaming of hurt

crying for help

covered her 

walking down a street

an empty one

she find herself

walking by her own

no one to assist

and she still make it

alive and kicking

they said

a flickering light

appeared

and she knows

she must do it

alone

spreading her wings

fly up high

taking all the pains

and 

smile bright out.

Personal

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

(in the name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

Today post is a bit personal. 

I realized that my time here, is no longer than a month, a week to be preside. With the gift given by Him, few days left, lots of unfinished things, I couldn't really focus on myself. Instead, I'm focusing on others stuffs and people around me; family. 

Yes, people might say, it is just fr few months only but hey, do we know when will we die? Yeap, no one can actually answer that. So, part is a BIG deal to me. even I have done it more than hundreds times still, it is a SERIOUS case for me. 

At the same time, glad to meet them; friends. I know, irony eh.

So, this post is like taking out those noises in my head out. Not interested? Sorry...

A person told me before, okay not just a person... there were few;

Meeting and Parting lillahitaala (for Allah).

I admit it is. T_T

the truth is, saying and reading are different from applying. Bitter truth. So, I'll just have to do it.

Next is about this little red creature inside my body which people call, heart. Eh, nope..! specifically, soul. This is hard okay. It is also difficult for me to spit it out. This tangled threads in my soul really making me sick. I mean, the soul. Hundreds of questions came up and none have the answers. True, the answer will come sooner or later, still, when it started to questions about the meaning of life (which included me in it), it is a big deal. Sometimes I just wish I didn't even know more about it. Okay.. okay.. I'm not saying that I'm not being grateful of the knowledge, it just that... *sigh*

okay.. writing here, not gonna help me at all.

Assalamualaikum to all 

*SmilingPanda*

Teaching Practical (part D)

Continued from Part C

Minimum 8 period per week but of course, they got 12 (max) period per week. As an TESL students, both took two English classes and a Physical Exercise class. With the helped from mentor, both could easily got the chance to know more about the students. Well, for some cases, they did not have to wait for the mentor to tell them.

"Which classes will you teach?"

"I got 4 Teknikal and 4 Sastera 1"

"Me, 4 Teknik 1 and 4 Teknik 3"

"Ha... for 4 Sastera 1, becareful with a student, Amir"

"Yes, you should, I've been in the class, he's a troublemaker"

"I teach them Bahasa, it is ahrd to control him"

For Shu, she really excited to know how was that student with such a fame. Almost every teacher knows him. Alia, she has her own things to worry.

For PE class, both taught form 3 classes, Shu got a class, Alia got a class. It was hard to tackle them for both were filled with low proficiency students. Shouting was what both have done to grab the students' attention (almost ever class!!!).

............................................................................................................

Now, I have to stop tellin' about Alia's part for she has her own stories to tell from her own opinions which I thing it will be better for me to keep it close to her, unless she wants to tell it to others.

I'll start story to you what happened from those three classes that I've taught before. Of course in the next post. Sorry.

See you soon..!

p/s: #prayforGaza #prayforImantoo 

Teaching Practical (Part C)

(Continue from Part B)

"Now we have the house"

"Yes, now it is time to focus on the next paper"

"and say hello to Home...!"

After the examination, they have their semester break for a five week. 

"Hello Shu, when will you go to Kulai?"

"Let's go together, I'll stay at your house"

So Alia and Shu decided to go to Kulai, a week earlier so that they will have time to arrange and get use to the neighbourhood there. A week before, they went to visit the school. Before that, they made a call, just to confirm that the school has been informed about this. 

The following week, was the ROS week.Yes, two weeks only. 

"Where should we started?"

"main office. hahaa"

"because it is main? haha"

During the ROS, collecting information about the school (curricular, academic, management, teacher, staff, facilities and etc.) was crucial. Taking pictures of every corner of the school was also one of list. Making friend with the teachers is the most significant thing to do or they wouldn't be recognize by the teachers.

"Assalamualaikum.... sorry to bother you."

"We just want to introduce ourselves, I'm Alia and this is Shuhada"

"We are from UTM for practicum"

For all teachers, the introducing themselves went well. Since they were not officially being introduced on stage, so they took their own initiative to be known by all. It was tiring but the result was great because both of them managed to be friend with all.

On the second week of ROS, they got the chance to be in class, interacting with the students and of course, play games. 

The ROS was only two weeks and then they started with a real teaching experienced. With teaching timetable on hands, books to check, lesson to plan, they stepped into the class with a new name: Teacher.

"I can't believe this.."

"Is this for real?"

to be continued....(go to Part D)

Cooking For Real

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

(In the name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

First of all, sorry if you mistakenly thought this post is about Sunny Anderson, Cooking For real, AFC channel. 

This post is about a person, someone, somebody who really and truly understand the importance of cooking. A person that I really know about. From the first time she opened her eyes till now. She has a perfect and wonderful mother, who is good in cooking. Everyday is like everyday in heaven. Her mom's cooks were always delicious even a simple dish - fried fish. Everyone who knows her mother would fall in love with the cooks. 

She was so lucky and grateful to have a mother like her. 

As she become a teen, people around her started to say that she would be a good cooker just like her mother. She determined that she will be a good cooker!

Learned to fry a fish at 9 years old, cook rice at 10, peeled onion and scalp at 6, making tempoyak at 12, and countless more to mention. She tried. 

Once she went to boarding school, away from home, no more cooking for her. Focusing on her study and other stuff. Came home, helping her mother as usual but a little less than before. Usually her mother would like to cook for her because she did not taste her mother cooks for a long time. After form 5, stayed at home meant everything to her. She made a to-do-list included cooking yet that was the least thing that she could do. 

Next she went to college, again, away from kitchen. Then, entered university, no cooking activities were allowed. She began to realize that her cooking skill has faded. 

Back at home, as usual, she really want to cook yet the opportunity was little. Helping her mother in the kitchen was a daily basis but she wants to cook for real. Yes, she did get the chance to cook when:

her mother is not at home. 

and of course the chances are too dim for her to really practice her cooking skill. She enjoyed every food that her mother cook for her but she worried that she does not have the capability to cook. Her mother always tell her that

A lady should know how to cook

........................................................................

From her story, I believe that the only way for her to develop herself in cooking skill is by doing it herself, alone. 

She needs to have the freedom to cook whatever she wants. She must experiences the cooking by herself to be able to master the skill. Just like talking, eating, writing, walking, all we have to do by ourselves. Not just by reading it only. Plus, practices make perfect. At home, she could not do it for her mother will happily help her and cook for the family. So she needs to get out from the house, I mean, find a place to live on her own, independently. Plus, this is how she learned to develop herself, away from home. She still need her mother to guide, maybe she can call her mother to ask about this and that and do the cooking all by herself. Then, she might be able to expand and stretch her arms to cook without hesitate. 

And her dream to be just like her mother would be achieved. 

All the best to you, my closest friend. May He guides you n every single path that you take. May Allah bless.. 

Save or Post

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

(In the name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most merciful)

I have stopped writing because I was in a complete lost in the ocean of ideas. No doubt, once I started writing, He inspired me with one thousand and one ideas, non-stop. Almost every single thing that happened, I managed to relate them with Him and lines to write. Until I stopped.

A virus attacked; not to post any of the post that I wrote. I did write but did not post. Why? Because the unfinished and unsatisfied feeling inside. Instead of clicking ‘Post’, I clicked ‘Save’ and said to myself, I will post this later. At the end, left them there in the draft.

I believe there are reasons for this to happen. So, in the God’s will, I will continue writing soon. 

A Friendship for life vow

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

(In the name of God, the most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

.........................................................................

Walking alone under the shady trees. Trying to keep her skin from burn. Taking the usual path that brought her straight to the same old store, behind the multipurpose hall.

As she reached, she turned on the fan and sat on a chair. It seemed like she was the first to arive, like always.

"What are you doing?"

She quickly jumped off the chair, suprised.

"What the...?!! It's you...!! Arghh!!""Hahahaha""How could you..? When did you? I didn't see you..??""Well.... hahaha"

It was the first time. The next day, she becareful and conscious all the time.

As time went by, she became more interested to know more about him, what have he gone through in life, how did he became so fluent in English, what made him always think critically, and lots more. The most interesting question was, why he was like me when I was in my school year? He reflected herself.

So, every time they met for training, she would ask hundreds of questions to him. Some were answered, some weren't. Due to that, he finally asked her to list down all the questions that ahead want to ask in a piece of paper. She did. Unfortunately, he lost it. Still their friendship grew stronger.

One day, while she was commenting in the group page with all of the members, him included, she made a promise for life. Both of them would be best friend till the end of their lives. 

"I promise that we will be friend till the very last of our breath even when we get married (with someone else of course hahaha)"

She satisfied. Everything went well, as usual for the following semesters until the her birthday.

She couldn't help but cry herself out. To find out that he was it, a fact that she was denying, was true. And being left alone facing it while he was there, sitting, saying nothing to back her up. It was a devastated moment in her life. Since that day, they became strangers.

After a while, she realized that she still missed her friend. Plus, his face was becoming worse since it happened. So, she wrote a note to him, explained everything. He didn't read it until the tournament day, his performance felt down. But after that, they became friend again. They helped each othwr when one needed. They talked about problems when they wanted.

Both of them were busy with life till they have to be apart for quite a long semester. She could count with her fingers how frequent they have met. Amazingly, the fact didn't affect their friendship.

Till now, she still hold on to the same old vow. A promised for life. For he reflected her own self a lot. She learned that a friendship is greater than the wound in her when she loves her friend. 

p/s: a semester left before they apart forever.

Ready for Take off?

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

(In the name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.)

....................

"What are you doing?" "Nothing" "Okay... what are you up to?" "Nothing"

She kept on doing it. Packing all her stuffs into the luggage. The questions asked by her friend, answered with a deep exhale. Her mind blown away from what she was doing, searching for her memories back there for the past eight years. She could see clearly the pattern which made her stood still which her decision.

"Okay, so now you don't want to talk to me, huhuhhu?"
"What do you mean?"
"I was asking you, twice, and the answers were. Clearly I could see you're packing but to where? So, can you please at least tell me what's going on?"
"I'm sorry okay. It just that, I want to keep this between me, myself and I. It's not that I don't trust you but this is my problem and I want to handle it myself. I don't want to trouble you, okay"

She continued packing. She could see that her friend was still staring at her from the corner of her eyes.

"Okay. Fine. If that what you want"
"I'm so sorry"
"When will you leave?"
"Tonight"
"Will you keep in touch with me?"
"I'll try"
"You know that you have kept a distance from them. You need to do something about it."
"I know"
"Now you are leaving. Leaving me too."
"I know but I have to do this. I thought I'm doing it right but I realized, I'm not"
"So you want to fix it?"
"Hurm.... no. I just want to stay away"

She took her books and put them inside her luggage. Zipped. Hugged her friend. With a deep inhale breath, she stepped out.

She knew this would be like a gamble of her circle but she has to.

A watch-and-read list

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
(In the name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

For the past three weeks, I have become a reader and Youtuber and a stalker, too! I realized that I did not read much during my time in university (except for academical papers) compared to my time when I'm at home. Plus, restricting myself from log-in to Facebook except for any important matters, really helps me to have ample time to spend on books and videos and articles.

So, here I want to suggest to you a list of videos, websites and books for you to read when you feel like want to. Or thinking what should you do. Or even add them in your to-do-list. 
\

Quran Weekly

LangitIlahi

Talk Islam

Mat Lutfi

Ryan Nigahiga or known as HigaTV

Mo Sabri

Langit Ilahi (web)

Islam Religion

Sarah Kay

TESL

Pinterest

Hope you'll enjoy them as much as I did or maybe even better. So, have fun. 

Stupid Things

Please, read it first before you make any assumption by reading the tittle.

Stupid things are;

anything and everything that is humiliating to oneself if it spread to public but it is a normal thing to do when you are alone or with closest people around oneself (family or best friend.).

I'm pretty sure most of us have at least an element of stupid thing that we do like piking nose (which is actually normal to human and even Stich), fart in front of people (it's natural, even my cats do that in front of me!), talking about feces (color, shape and etc.), jumping from a mat onto the floor but acting like you are jumping from a higher ground (alone)) and many other stuff that I don't like to mention. ATTENTION HERE! I got these all from my observation through out years I'v been living.

It's a kind of true that we do not really show ourselves to others especially to those who are new to us. Unlike family members, we just do whatever we want because we know that family is always there for us no matter how many stupid things that we've done and because they do same thing yet we just laugh out loud when it happens. 

True friends are like family, they do same thing. We just accept it with open heart. no need to hide it. If you have friends who keep saying

 "Euwwww that is just disgusting",

 "come on, can you just knock it off? Stop doing it in front of me.!",

 "You are so rude", and

 etc, maybe they just can't accept the truth about you. 

Okay, I'm not writing this to promote people doing any ridiculous and stupid stuffs in front of others it just like a basic reminder that we are human, sometimes we do something that inappropriate in front of people but actually natural (except for anything that is illegal or extremely rude) either in public, in front of people or alone. So, don''t be shame or feel guilty every time you picking your nose or fart (alone) because it's normal. But in public, I myself don't recommend you to do it. With closest people, just be yourselves. haha

I promise myself that I won't post anything like this anymore, this will be the first and the last. 

Teaching Practical (Part B)

(continue from Part A)

After a three shot of houses, they decided to go back to UTM. None of the house were good but enough for today, they thought.

The following week, Shu, Alia and Fifah went to Kulai once again. Since the Ekma got to be in Skudai, Dee and Fifah were going to Indonesia, the pressure was on Shu and Alia. With Fifah helped, they went there again.

"Hello..."

"Ya... Hello.."

"I'm Shu..... , I'm looking for a house to rent and if guess I found yours."

"ha.. okay..."

"I need to find a house to stay for my practical teaching, three months (...)"

Unfortunately it was pricey. He did mention the minimum to rent a house per month was 1K (RM). Hopelessly, Fifah decided to visit her uncle who lived nearby the area. And Alhamdulillah her uncle helped them to find a house. 

As they circled around the Indahpura, they stopped by to any passer-by. Asking for any house for rent. Until, they found a middle age woman, cleaning her front twenty-feet long yard. Shu stepped out of the car and asked her bout it. Next was, the woman brought her to the opposite house, to meet another woman. There, the conversation started with introduction of their problems. 

Alhamdulillah, the woman (and her husband) agreed to let them stay in a house, just beside of the house they were discussing in. RM200/month, no need to pay any bills, two room (can only access a room and that was just fine). And, it took only 15 minutes to get to school by walking (this was actually the best part ever!). 

.....to be continued to Part C.

Peek-a-boo

It was 9.30 am in the morning yet the heat was tense. She stood on the side court, watching those girls digging (one of volleyball techniques).

Her head felt heavy, fever attacked her yesterday. Today she was standing under the burning star. If it wasn't for the game next week, she would be in the staff room now.

She looked at them again, they looked exhausted.

"Okay girls...! Let's take a two minutes break. After than, we'll be digged in court."

Walking towards the stage, avoided the hot sun. She reached a light pink handbag at the corner, unzipped it and took out a cold plain water bottle. Adjust her self and drank.

Alia approached her.

"What's next?"

"They digging well, so I want to see their performance in court."

"Okay girls! Let's move."

She helped to arrange their position.

Then she stood side middle of the court, facing the main building of the school.

"Ready??"

"Yes...!"

"Okay, remember to focus okay...!"

"Okay!"

As she thought, it was bad. She started to instruct them this and that. And sometimes she lost her patience. While she was frowning her eye brows, thinking about the girls, Alia called her from the other side.

"What?"

"Look up here"

There she could see a boy, standing there, waving at her with a big smile on his face.

She smiled back, forgetting all the tense she had. Then he made a peek-a-boo sign. She responded the same thing. Then, she said something by moving her lips without sounds;

I miss you

He replied;

Miss you too

Both of them covered up their faces. Until suddenly, Mr.Azam came to him. They stopped making any signs.

"I can see someone is so happy now..." Alia said to her.

"Hahaha......."

She realized that he has it all. The position Aura came out from him like a cool and sooth light covered her tense. Her Lil Panda was nothing but priceless to her.

Alhamdulillah, she thought. It was a gift from HIM for this semester.

"Teacher! Can we practice the serve?"

"Huh? Oh, yes... sure...go ahead"

" but.... we don't know how to..."

" okay... let's go over there."

She continued focus on the girls with a big smile and positive face.

Painting the Wall of Sins

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

(In the name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

During the fest days of holiday, when Alias went back home, she was busy with her Lil Panda, painting the workshop at school. Starting by paiting all white, she began to have a though.

With only Lil Panda and her, she started to share her thought with him. Well, just to encourage him, always think not just fill in the emptiness and silence with songs.

"Lil, have you ever thought that our life is nothing like these walls?"

"Huh? Hurm..... of course, these are walls not life"

She smiled.

"If we don't like the colour, we can paint it"

"Hmm..." he looked at her curiously.

Again, she smiled.

"If we hate the drawings and footprints on it, we can paint it too"

"Yes..., true"

"Life, if we hate it, we don't like it....we can't paint it"

".........."

"Life, if there's any sour and bitter memories that we want to erase or delete, we can't just paint them"

"Hmmmm......."

"And with all the sins that I've done, I can't just paint to cover it up... sometimes I wonder, why can't life is like these walls?"

Her voice changed, no more smile. Lil Panda couldn't reply anything for the conversation was too deep for him to take on.

She kept on painting with all the thought in her mind as if all her sins were there, on the wall. Until....

"Alhamdulillah, Sis, we are done...."

Emotional Suffered

After watching this video, I realized that He Who Gave me the strength to move on with my life. Even when I have to face the same problems repeatedly.

Yes, I can't, you can't, he nor she can't, only He can.

So, when you feel sad, hurt and etc, pray to Allah.........

If

What if 

I ask a person to be honest

Will the person be honest

Through out my life

Or

That person will walk away

What if

I ask a person to trust me

Will the person believe in me

Or 

Will just say yea but the truth is not

What if

I devoted my heart to a person

Will the person hold it

Or 

Crush it to a million pieces

What if

I say that I hate a person face to face

Will I get a slap on my face

Or 

The person will try to understand why

What if 

I just left everything behind

Will it keep coming back to me

Or

I will chase after it back

What if 

I am not exist

Will be a matter to anyone

Or

I am a part of them

What if

I stop now

Will people try to find me

Or

They will ignore me

What if

I devoted my life my heart to The One and Only

Will I be hurt

No! 

Not at all.....

May Allah bless you who read this, remember, life is not about others but it is about the Creator.

Teaching Practical (Part A)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

(In the name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

 A friend of mine, the blogger of Tudung Cekelat, shared about her ROS experience. And she wanted to know more about my teaching practical in Johor. Okay then, let's get started..!

............................................................................................................

"Hurry up!"

"Relax, chill okay.."

Both of them, walking to a small seminar room and shocked. There were hundreds of students, standing at the back, side and sitting. 

"okay...... relax.......haha"

with a smile on a face they sneaked into the crowd, looking for the others.

"okay, silent! For those who are late, usually, hardly pass the teaching practice" 

Shu smiled, the words hit on her face like a wind blow, "relax.. relax... cool girl... cool"

....

"Okay, we should get started, find a couple, and house to rent"

"no need to rent a house, just stay in campus, drive to school"

"what if we get school outside of Skudai?"

".........."

"okay girls, the tense is there, okay but we don't have any partners, no SV, no schools, no place to decide.. "

Five of them decided to cool down a bit by taking a pit stop at the DO6 stall, having a cup of coffee and laksa were better than talking about unsure stuffs.

....

The list names of schools have came out, everyone wanted to choose the nearest school (Skudai area). Their batch was the largest (49 teslians) compared to the previous (not more than 20), so, with the limited number of schools in Skudai, they have to fight for it. They did ask to go to school in the hometown but they said, the lectures did not want to travel far from Johor. It was hard for them (well, three years in campus, tetiba nak kene cari rumah sewa). The available area were; Skudai, Senai, Kulaijaya, Tampoi, Pulai, and few more. Two students (tesl) for a school. 

....

"How was the result?"

"Alhamdulillah, I got it.."

Fifah passed the interview to fly to Indonesia, along with 16 (not sure) students from Tesl, practical teaching there. Interesting. But for Shu, she decided not to, a senior once told her that:

" If you want to really into the teaching, stay here, have your teaching practical in Malaysia for the whole 3 months. If you want to travel, know about others,, please, apply for it"

Since all Shu wanted was to be with the students, know them well, have a real connection with them, so, she stayed. 

Due to the program, partners changed. Draw log was the only options for Teslians. So, Shu and Alia got the Kulaijaya, SMK Indahpura (1), 20 to 45 minutes from UTM Skudai, depends on the traffic. 3 pairs got Kulai, K.A and Faza, Shu and Alia, and another partner (forgot). 

"When and how should we find a house in Kulai?"

.....

During study week, everyone was busy with presentation and submitting papers.

"Let's find a house after exam...!"

"okay then... ask K.A to join..."

....

As they were not familiar with the route, Mr. Google Map helped them much.

....

to be continue......... *SmilingPanda*

Battle Scars

This song really has it own soul. The fist time I heard this (red.fm), my heart cried out loud, why? because my mind started to browse through all the wounds in my heart. I just could keep my eyes from tears. 

And again, the wound bleed. Why? because I broke a rule that I have made to myself. No matter what the reason was, I broke it and yes, the consequence was.........

I wonder why did it felt so hard, like a saw cutting all the veins in my heart (a lil' bit exaggerate won't hurt). Again, this song reminds me the reason; because of the love that I have devoted for them who I called friends and worst, best friends. I have made myself clear that they were yet everything that happened after that left me half dead. Trying hard to stand up on my own feet back to continue what I called, Life.

Entering the next juz' of my life, deciding to leave everything behind yet my heart hurt, aching, wanted to seek for them back for I missed them a lot. Again, a tone of regret was what I felt. Again, I left.... again, I really wanted them back. Then, again, my heart hurt. Until I almost did really leave it behind me.

Then again, they kept coming back in my dreams, repeatedly, making me deciding to have a sneak peek of them. I was so afraid and nervous plus excited to reach them. Yet, the excitement that almost kills me, threw me to the deepest sea of blood from my wounds. 

Now, again, I'm running away from it. I just wished I could be somewhere else, not here. And I am really grateful that I was away during last Ramadhan away from here for it became a strong excuse for me to be away.... away from here. 

The reason I don't really like to have a walk here because, I have left this place, and put it behind me for it hurt me every time I seek for it. For it reminds me of all the pain I've gone through......

and I realize, this battle inside me, won't stop because I loved them with my heart and once I said I love, it will remain there no matter how much I really want to take if off me.

Uhibbukumfillah

and

sorry for leaving

still

I'll pray

for you

the best

as long as

I'm alive

*CryingPanda*

That is the reason why

I hate to say this but....
The reason of me not dont want to really checking it because of that always hapenned.
And now
Just feel like want to unfriend them all.

Falling in love with You

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
(In the name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

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As she walked down the aisle, she knew that was the moment where she would say the words which would become a vow for a life. A new juz' of her life. Marriage.

Not knowing her groom, she just stepped on the stairs to a new level of life. People around kept asking her, to really know him, at least a lil' bit of his past life. But to her, it didn't matter.

She'll know him afterward, she thought.

I started to think, how can a person dare to tie up a vow without knowing another person well or even love that person? Looking up to myself, I realize, yes, we can.

Not knowing who is the real Creator, I say; There is no God but Allah. Not knowing who is Allah, I say; I love The Creator. Not knowing who Allah well, I say; I believe in Allah.

We are like that, aren't we? No matter which belief you are, woke up in this world, with a belief that your mother and father believe in. Then, we just keep on following these and that without a real love inside.

Questions started to appear in my mind. Couldn't get the answer from people around me, I pray to the One Who I want to know more about. And my questions were answered.

As I live here in this short life, I learn the real meaning of life, in fact, I'm still learning. I began to know Him more. Until I'm falling in love with Him, the Creator of this universe, the Most Merciful, Lord.

She didn't know the groom but as she lives together with the groom, she would know him and fall in love with him.

Us? We knew that we didn't know Him, the Creator. Let's start to really know and understand Him more till we fall in love with HIM.

Beyond My Thinking Box

If you want to succeed, you need to think outside of the box!!!

Yes, I've heard it before, now and I'm pretty sure, I'll hear it again. Cliche.

Still, in some aspects, I realized, we need guidance to lead us to somewhere. Blindly thinking about it may lead to disaster.

So, think twice before you want to maximize the use of brain. Sure, just use it anytime you prefer but make sure you are in the right path.

New Life, huh?

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim (In the name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

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'What should I do...? hurm....'. Her fingers were busy dancing on her lappy's touch pad. Scrolling and clicking here and there, looking for something interesting to read. Facebook was not an option anymore so, she googled almost anything that appeared in her mind (luckily all were good stuffs).

Basically, with Google the only option she has, she decided to broaden her 'circle' to spread the da'wah (aameen). Typing names like; Nouman Ali Khas, Bro Kamaruddin, Mission Dakwah and so forth, and quickly add them in her Circle. 

Blank for a while, she began to take a sneak peek on the people list (recommend by Google). There was a list of her classmate. A smile appeared and she began to add them to. 

Then, her eyes caught on a name, a person that she looked up to since she was in her first semester. Stalking the person, she found a blog. A new blog she guesses because it was different from the previous one. Plus, there were several entries posted starting this year. 

She began to read...............

Looking at the clock hanging on the wall, above the front curtain, she decided to go to bed. As usual, she spread the mattress on the floor, arranging the pillow and a purple blanket, she crawled in it. Recite a du'a; Bismikallahumma waamut. Slowly she closed her eyes.

Tears began to roll down. She was crying, silently in the darkness, alone. One word in her mind; Regret. Her mind started to filmed back the old days when she was so eager to further her study abroad, all the chances that she put aside. All the reasons she made up to stop her dream. She let the tears wash away the wound in her heart.

Then a name came up in her mind, together with the name, came along the Creator. She forced herself to accept everything, to redha  with taqdir. She began to collect all the good and precious memories she has to cheer herself up. Smile and tears came along with happiness and a great feeling of gratefulness, alhamdulillah. 

Until she felt into a night, long and empty dream.......

Waking up the next morning, her mind blank. She realized there's something must be done. Taking her thick blue notebook, she began to list down all the things that she wanted to do.

Once done, she started with the memories that she stored under the bed. And a new life awaits. 

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