Battle Scars

This song really has it own soul. The fist time I heard this (red.fm), my heart cried out loud, why? because my mind started to browse through all the wounds in my heart. I just could keep my eyes from tears. 

And again, the wound bleed. Why? because I broke a rule that I have made to myself. No matter what the reason was, I broke it and yes, the consequence was.........

I wonder why did it felt so hard, like a saw cutting all the veins in my heart (a lil' bit exaggerate won't hurt). Again, this song reminds me the reason; because of the love that I have devoted for them who I called friends and worst, best friends. I have made myself clear that they were yet everything that happened after that left me half dead. Trying hard to stand up on my own feet back to continue what I called, Life.

Entering the next juz' of my life, deciding to leave everything behind yet my heart hurt, aching, wanted to seek for them back for I missed them a lot. Again, a tone of regret was what I felt. Again, I left.... again, I really wanted them back. Then, again, my heart hurt. Until I almost did really leave it behind me.

Then again, they kept coming back in my dreams, repeatedly, making me deciding to have a sneak peek of them. I was so afraid and nervous plus excited to reach them. Yet, the excitement that almost kills me, threw me to the deepest sea of blood from my wounds. 

Now, again, I'm running away from it. I just wished I could be somewhere else, not here. And I am really grateful that I was away during last Ramadhan away from here for it became a strong excuse for me to be away.... away from here. 

The reason I don't really like to have a walk here because, I have left this place, and put it behind me for it hurt me every time I seek for it. For it reminds me of all the pain I've gone through......

and I realize, this battle inside me, won't stop because I loved them with my heart and once I said I love, it will remain there no matter how much I really want to take if off me.

Uhibbukumfillah

and

sorry for leaving

still

I'll pray

for you

the best

as long as

I'm alive

*CryingPanda*