On The Night Road

Assalamualaikum

Tonight we went to MM without my parents and my lil brother who's not so lil anymore. There was only one reason for us to go there-pinky shoes.

It was fast. As quick as we reached there, I found the shoes I wanted. Next we made a pit stop in Popular, bought two magazines for our soul and a mechanical pencil (for my youngest sis). Then, off we went back home.

On the way back home, an accident have happened before we reached. My tummy cried , wanted to be filled in but my mind was disturbed by the liquid spread on the road. Either blood or gas, no one in the car knew. Yet we went for a dinner, together.

Before we reached to MM, there was SILENT. nobody speak nor made any sounds. It was a disturbing silent, for me. It forced my self to think about everything (almost) had happened before-my entire life. 

Flashing back, started from the moment we were moving out in the car......

My dad was reminding us to hurry as my sissies and I prepared. Calmness gone. Then my mom came, did the same thing to us. I just grabbed anything that I needed and went out immediately. She asked for not to buy anything for her nor dad. Keep the money to myself for dad wouldn't send we to go back to UTM with khacing no more. I knew, family crisis was on - Money problem.

I was well understood that last month and before last month, we didn't have enough money for most of the money went to naza (car broke down) and kenari (same problem as well). Things went worse for dad after my brother resigned from Qym. All payments and bills were on my dad. It was too heavy for him, I realized.

Calculating, I too, used more money than before. I've asked to much. Plus with my training session for three weeks away from home, sure, needed money. Where? dad of course. Again, the burden was on him to carry. 

I didn't blame anyone. This is what I called test and challenge for my dad from Him. But for me, his daughter, it was not easy when I saw the changes in his behaviour lately. All I could say, he was trying to get his mind out of the problems. 

My plan to get a license die. I was afraid. I don't want to add more burden to him. My mind keep on thinking like someone who is interested in business, make more money by myself. To help my dad and my brother as well. My head hurt, again.

All the way to MM, been in my own world, thinking and thinking all over again. 

It was scary to think about the future which you don't even know where it goes and ends... Money is not everything but to almost everything forced us to have money. This is just a little 'ujian' from Him to my dad and us as a unit of family. How to solve it? 

Back to basic..............ALLAH