Dear Future Husband

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

(In the name of God, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful)

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While I was cross stitching, my mind wandered across the reality of my life to the future life of mine that I know not. I did have my plan(s). Still, I bear in my heart that He is the only one that knows the best for me.

After posting in Instagram about my little project for Thaqif, a friend's child, my heart grew wary. The cloud turned grey. The sweet strawberry turned sour.

I seek enlightenment from the Book of Love by HIM. And there I found a verse about marriage. I ended my reading at the last verse of the topic. Deep thought surrounded me.

Again this afternoon, the same thought conquered me. And I decided to write a letter for my dear future husband that I never know who, yet.

"Dear Mr. Future Husband, 

When you read this, please bear in mind that I am not desperate to find you nor wanting you instantly. I am just writing this letter for you to know some part of me before you choose me to be your future wife.

Love, Let me tell you what I need from you. And I hope to know what you need from me too. Then, we can tolerate one another to be pronounced as husband and wife. 

Love, It is not gold that I seek. I need affection, attention, care and love more. I might be carried away with these and those, that is the moment when I need you the most to hug me and bring me back to my consciousness. I am not a good cook but I always love to try something new as long as it does no harm to me. Teach me, be with me, encourage me to cook and I will learn to be the best cook for you. I don't have the modelling figure to feed your charming eyes but I do believe that I am beautiful in my own ways. If you think that is not enough, help me to be and stay beautiful for you. Sometimes I can be like a child, seeking your attention and affection, crying over some small matters and explode like a volcano over unimportant things. When I did that, please bear with me, understand me, hold me tight with love and care, just that to calm me down. Sometimes I can be like a manager and the best planner in the world, giving suggestions after suggestions to you which you might feel offended. Please bear in mind, Love, I do that for the best of us. If you still don't like that, tell me, let me know. 

Love, When life hits you hard, remember that I am here. Tell me. Talk to me. Make me feel like I am your bestest friend to listen your wary. I am not good at savings, but I can help in managing out economy together. Please don't apart me from your life. No. Not even a bit. Tell me. Talk to me. I am here. Make me feel like I am your private consultant, the one and only. I am not a doctor but every time you feel unwell, I am the one worries so much about you. Tell me. Talk to me. Make me feel like I am your private nurse. 

Love,I can never be like Fatimah Az Zahra but I am learning and preparing myself to learn and understand about Creator, creations. Still, I know I can never be prepared. I need you to be my guidance. Assist me to be a better muslim so that I can nourish our children to be a better muslim. 

Love, I might forget about little things and important ones, please be patient with me. Sometimes when I am not in focus, I always forget. Remind me always. I can be clumsy too. Still, dont hate me, Love, because sometimes being clumsy is cute. 

Love, I have my own goals. My goals are achievable with or without you. Still, if the destiny decides you would be here by my side before I achieve my goals, you would be one of my goals and I would be delightful to have you as my courage. 

Love, Whoever you are, I want you to know that I have love you since today, the day I write this. I will keep a space for you in my heart that only you can fit in perfectly."

I have more to write but I decide to keep them till I find him.