Present Time

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

(In the name of God, the most Gracious, the most Merciful)

............................................................................

I do believe that every single thing and event that come across me is a part of the plan from God. Even if it is such an unpleasant incident because each an everything that happens has reason(s) behind it. I do not know what will happen next and I will not wait for it. Better to treasure the present time than to wait and expect something later which 90% will hurt me. 

As for now, I realize the situation I am in is not a part of my plan. I never asked to be here. never wanted to be in this situation where I myself hate the most but all I can do is just be with it. Be it if I have to hurt people. Be it if I have to hurt myself. Be it whatever it is because for sure, it is all in His plan. Whether I cry of cherish the moment? I just will follow what my heart wants to feel. 

There is a situation where force me to create a distance with people, emotionally. I found it helps me well to regain my consciousness towards my own feelings - be modest with the heart business. How do I do it? I set up some rules with certain people like to avoid certain words, quotes and pictures that could show their or my feelings towards one another. After a while, I could see the differences and I like it. It gives me some space to myself to express and be me without having to think about what others perspectives. Then, I go for another level of challenge (which I am excited to do) is to stop contacting one another for a period of time. It has been two days and I am still okay. Filling my days with positive thoughts and new me. It is cool actually. Couldn't wait to do the next challenge which I think will be about stop contacting for months (for now it is by weeks). Yeay!

So, I think this is the best - to not be alone and not attached with people emotionally. So long people. I'll write again next time.

Wassalam

Feel The Magic

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim 

(In the name of God the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

......................................................

I know I never done this before but I guess a change is good, isn't it? This post is merely about my friend who is a photographer. His art work is incredible (for me) especially for the wedding photos. I don't know why but somehow those pictures really have some kind of chemistry to me. I tell you, I could stare to those wedding pictures for hours just to taste the feelings of those pictures. As if I was a part of the people in the pictures. So, just click on the link below. 

Feel Emotion Photography

Semuanya pada Allah

Bismillahirahmanirrahim

(In the name of God the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

It was a saying written by the person who I have known for quite sometimes. I am very excited to share it here for the words were flawless and filled with emotions (for those who could feel it). I hope you could enjoy the reading. and yes, it is in Bahasa. I can translate it but I don't have the heart to spoil it. I think it is the best in its own language. 

so, enjoy it.

...........  ........... ...........  ..........

Sesungguhnya rancangan Allah itu maha baik
Kita cuma pelakon,
Allah yang tulis skrip
Tulis lagu

Kita mahu buat apa kalau Allah tak berkehendak
Aku sayang kamu ikhlas
Jujur, aku tak mahu apa apa bila aku mencintai kamu
Aku tidak mempunyai niat apa apa yang hendak diraih dari kamu
Aku cuma ingin kita bahagia
Itu tujuan perhubungan
Maksud niat adalah, kamu pandai ini, kamu punya kelebihan yang ini, lalu aku suka
Bukan Itu

Tapi sekali lagi, Allah lah maha mengatur
Jangan pernah gusar atau ragu
Semuanya pada Allah

Jangan pernah biarkan hal kecil menganggu perasaan kamu
Kalau sekiranya itu adalah persoalan, tanyakan
Carikan jawapan yang kamu betul betul rasa itu jawapan
Kalau jawapan itu kamu tak redha, cari lah ruang hati yang lain untuk kamu simpan jawapan itu agar kamu terima, dan redha akannya
Kalaulah
punya niat yang baik, aku tidak punya hak untuk melarang atau menghentikan niat itu,


Tapi apa yang perlu kamu tahu, aku disini masih berusaha dan tetap menyayangi kamu
Kerana Allah

by the person

Guilt in me.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
(In the name of God, the most Gracious the most Merciful)

...   ...   ...   ....   ....   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...

"Rain is coming
So does my heart
I can barely look up
Without the guilt in me

All I ask
Everyday is love
For HIM
As for return, I belive
Lots of love for me

As wide as my eyes are open
The realization is clear
The guilt in me
Grows

Turning back
I have done it before
Running away
Is my field

But

The guilt in me
Continues to grow

Face it
And I will loose
The second most important
Friendship."

By Human.

Precious

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
(In the name of God the most Gracious, th most Merciful)

Last night was as usualy routine. I found myself half sleepy in between grammary and comfy warm blanket.

Until I closed my eyes.

I remember my world of dream clearly. I myself was shocked with the people I met. They are those who from the past and present. Perhaps future which almost impossible through science. And possible because HE is the most Powerful.

I met my schoolmates and teachers. The setting was somewhere I am not familiar with but I knew it was a school, boarding school. I was a school student, again. I am not sure why. Almost everyone was happy and excited to see me. Grateful.

And then in the hostel together with my little sister. Again, it just did not make any sense. Heh, after all everything is possible in dream worlds. Interestingly, I have a dragon as a pet. A good one, tame also. Just like toothless.

Another person was my school form three best friend buddy. I haven't see and heard from him for more that 4 years. I wonder where he is now. And yet he appreared in my dream. I was quite shocked to see him. We didn't have much time to talk as I was rushing to an event - archery tournament.

Here I met UTM archers. I was not one of them and not surprise by that because I am no longer one. They were trying their best to compete with one another. I did excitedly watch then, support and explain to my buddy.

Strange because it has been a while.. I kept on forgetting my dreams at the moment I opened my eyes.

I wonder what it is all about. Does it means anything or something? Did I miss out something?

.......

Jenuh

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
(In the name of God the most Gracious the most Merciful)

I have come across few things lately that kept spining in circle. Same thing happened again and again. So here, I am dedicating a poem to sum up the story, feeling and emotion behind it. And I am writing in Bahasa.

.............................................................................................

Sebulan lebih sudah
Pagi petang malam
Tiap ketika
Ada sahaja tidak kena
Baik engkau atau aku

Lelah dan letih
Perkara berbeza punca sama
Ego berdua melangit
Bak langit
Perasaan masing masing
Sekrang pun tak nak
Kalah

Maaf dan kemaafan
Dua dua telah dipinta
Dan meminta
Namun hal yang sama
Menghenyak perasaan
Untuk maaf dan kemaaf
Kerna diri sudah jenuh

Acap kali ku putuskan
Sampai di sini sahaja
Tapi kebaikan mu
Yang sejarah itu
Buat aku malu dan segan
Untuk terus berdiam diri
Dengan harapan
Kau dan aku pasti
Akan seperti biasa semula

Sangkaan ku meleset
Entah yang keberapa kali
Jenuh ku rasakan
Buntu idea juga fikiran
Solusi juga fantasi bermain
Dalam kotak fikiran
Mencari akal dan cara
Meleraikan sumpah ini

Dimanakah dan kemanakah
Penghujung antara kau dan aku
Entah ku tidak nampak
Masa hadapan ku kau tiada
Masa lalu ku penuh
Masa kini ku kau sentiasa ada

Jenuh aku.

.............................................................................................

Thank you for reading it.

Wassalam.

I'm interested to know you

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

(In the name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

.......................................................................................

For the first time I met you, you look like a lost person who was trying to be like us, spread the peace and love to all. I still remembered the first time I took the time to look at you and really commented on how you performed. 

Until, I saw the real you.

Congratulation for falling into my amazing people list. 

Your ideas, your thinking skills, your attitude, your style, your knowledge just stole my focus from others. How can I take away my eyes from you?

Unfortunately, I just can see you for few weeks more. 

"Hey Sun, keep on shining yeah."

Sick

The moment I opened my eyes
I could see the bright side
Of my small room
Knowing that
I was late, again.

The feelings of
Disappointment rushed into
My thoughts

and

I began my day with
Sorrow.

sick, I am
Heart is no longer glows
Love is merely a word
Faith is at the edge

Fo I know
I am sick

Different

I have stood up before you
Told you the unspoken reason
Understood
It was not a reason at all
Just merely an excuse
To explain it
For I am not able to
Reveal it

Now different
Is what you choose
As for that
You might be the same
As them

It is unfair
Yet
You seem to fit in

Different is what you choose
Make you become one with the others

The unspoken reason

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

(In the name of God, the most Gracious, the most Merciful)

It hit me again,
again,
and again
the guilty pleasure.

Like it,
love it
yet
hate it.

respect and trust
became opposite
till I cried,
screamed
within me.

"speak out
and reach out"
yet I become
"shut it in
keep it locked
inside"

"explained
and empathy"
yet I choose
"just be it
let it flow"

an old memory
whispered
"who do you think you are?
come in and out
leave and turn
as you want
and 
pretend like nothing
happened..."
and I shot
"away you..!"

close my eyes
bare the aches within
take a deep breath
slowly crack a smile
and laugh out loud
so
the aches fade away
with time

let the unsaid words fade away....

"Are you guys looking for a cat?"

Bismillahirramnirrahim

(In the name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

.............................................................

"what are you looking at?" Staring at the sliding door.

"a kitten. Dead, there."

"Poor kitty. No one take it aside off the road yet, huh?"

"well, go on, you do it."

"hurm..."

Taking up the black and short hoe, walking slowly towards the road where the dead kitty was. After making sure the road is clear, ran slowly to the kitty. 

"Oh, it is not a kitten..!" Shouting to my mom. 

"Huh? Then what is it?"

"A puppy...!"

"Hurry up and bury it"

"poor little puppy...where's your mummy? I'm sure she is worried about you"

Slowly by using the hoe, I picked up the black little puppy and started to dig a small and little grave.

Then, slowly I placed the puppy into the little grave.

" Be happy lil pup, you are going back to the One Who Has Created you"

.I left the hoe under the small tree, by the road side, walking up slowly towards my neighbours' house. My eyes were cautiously scanning any movement.

No sign of him.... I wonder where did he go....

After a few round, I decided to go back home.

"Your cat is dead?"

"huh? Oh, the one that I buried?"

"Yup"

"Nope, it was a puppy."

In the evening after playing around with Ginger and Tuah, I asked Amimah to go for searching Mr.Horlick. Amir joined us. This time around, we go further, to the other side of the road.

"Will he survive crossing the road? Won't he die because car hit him? Soren didn't survive..."

"Horlick is a white cat. Everyone will see him, even in the dark. Soren, it was a different case, it was too dark and the car was too fast"

"Oh..."

"We'll find Horlick, for sure"

On the way back home, we decided to go and check another round. 

"Are you guys looking for a cat?"

"Yes, a white one"

"I buried it last night. The tail is brown."

"An adult cat?"

"Yes. Last night, after coming back from surau, I found it under my mango's tree. Dead. So I buried him there"

"Oh"

"I buried it nicely, quiet deep to make sure nothing gets around."

"Oh, err.. thank you..."

And just like that my heart stopped.

"See, I told you, he must be dead already!"

"Yeah"

As usual, if there's any bad news, even the hardest one, no tears allowed in front of them. All I do was pretending that I was okay, just doing the usual stuff. As if, the news was just a wind blow.

Deep inside?

..................................................

From Him we all came,

to Him we all return.

...