1st_TheBigThing (Part 1)

It's been a while after my come back post. Yes, I was eager to write yet I haven't write any for weeks. Gomennasai (sorry in Japanese). I was busy with MASUM (click here for details).  As I promised in my come back post, I wanted to start writing bout the Big-Thing called L.O.V.E.

I thought he is the one

I thought I was right

I thought this was it

With His help

Opened up my heart

Stumped by the big vision of mine

I knew

I was wrong

Without hesitate

I loved him

And renew my love

For HIM

The one and only

A s a teenager, it is normal for my heart to like someone, yeah, it's normal. Then, it's up to me either to control it with iman or let it control me by nafs. Browsing through my life history, I've learnt so much bout my heart matters. As I grown up, I knew better bout my cold little heart.

Having lots of nakama (friends in Japanese) both otoko (male in Japanese) and onna (female in Japanese) force me to keep my life line with Him fresh all the time or I will be lost in the world of fitnah. Having friends with no same interest and understanding in Islam is a part, to have otokono nakama is not easy. To be honest, my mind keep on thinking bout Ikhtilat, every time I had some bussiness with the guys. It's hard especially when I was too close to them. In other words, he is my best friend. As if I dun have any other girls to be my bff.

To make this short (want to explain bout the poem), I was just gone through a phase of life that really make my life  miserable a bit. Why a bit? Because  I managed to control my heart (Alhamdulillah, praise for Him for helping me).

I knew a guy from my girl friends, they talked about him, a lot. As always, I enjoyed to listen to their amazing stories. Until one day, I met him.

We were chatting at the same place when he came. I was like, "oh, he is the one that you were talking bout...". So we met and became friend just like them. Almost everyday we met up as a gang, I thought. As day goes by, I found out that we (the guy and me) have something in commons, opinion bout someone we like.

I respected our friendship much more than anything but I knew that I couldn't really ignore my 'feeling' toward him. So, I kept it as a tiny biny little secret, locked it in a special corner of my little cold heart. As my principle of life, "Family and Friend First". At the same time, I asked His Guidance bout this matter; istikarah and tahajud. At this moment of my life, I was like, "I'm okay, I'm still okay, I can control my self, my mind and my heart".

After a year……………………….

Before Ramadhan, my heart hurt….. (Part 2)