It's been
a while after my come back post. Yes, I was eager to write yet I haven't write
any for weeks. Gomennasai (sorry in Japanese). I was busy with MASUM (click
here for details). As I promised in my
come back post, I wanted to start writing bout the Big-Thing called L.O.V.E.
I thought
he is the one
I thought
I was right
I thought
this was it
With His
help
Opened up
my heart
Stumped
by the big vision of mine
I knew
I was
wrong
Without
hesitate
I loved
him
And renew
my love
For HIM
The one
and only
A s a
teenager, it is normal for my heart to like someone, yeah, it's normal. Then,
it's up to me either to control it with iman or let it control me by nafs.
Browsing through my life history, I've learnt so much bout my heart matters. As
I grown up, I knew better bout my cold little heart.
Having
lots of nakama (friends in Japanese) both otoko (male in Japanese) and onna
(female in Japanese) force me to keep my life line with Him fresh all the time
or I will be lost in the world of fitnah. Having friends with no same interest
and understanding in Islam is a part, to have otokono nakama is not easy. To be
honest, my mind keep on thinking bout Ikhtilat, every time I had some bussiness
with the guys. It's hard especially when I was too close to them. In other
words, he is my best friend. As if I dun have any other girls to be my bff.
To make
this short (want to explain bout the poem), I was just gone through a phase of
life that really make my life miserable
a bit. Why a bit? Because I managed to
control my heart (Alhamdulillah, praise for Him for helping me).
I knew a
guy from my girl friends, they talked about him, a lot. As always, I enjoyed to
listen to their amazing stories. Until one day, I met him.
We were
chatting at the same place when he came. I was like, "oh, he is the one
that you were talking bout...". So we met and became friend just like
them. Almost everyday we met up as a gang, I thought. As day goes by, I found
out that we (the guy and me) have something in commons, opinion bout someone we
like.
I
respected our friendship much more than anything but I knew that I couldn't
really ignore my 'feeling' toward him. So, I kept it as a tiny biny little
secret, locked it in a special corner of my little cold heart. As my principle
of life, "Family and Friend First". At the same time, I asked His
Guidance bout this matter; istikarah and tahajud. At this moment of my life, I
was like, "I'm okay, I'm still okay, I can control my self, my mind and my
heart".
After a
year……………………….
Before
Ramadhan, my heart hurt….. (Part 2)
